|[APPLE]|

Have you ever seen your mother cry?
Have you ever seen your mother scold your father?
Have you ever felt useless and poor?
Have you ever felt alone?
Have you ever wished that you could solve everything?

Have you been disappointed with your father?
Have you ever wondered why your father left you?
Have you felt despairing disappointment?
it sinks so low that you wonder who is that man that you were sired from?
how is it that someone can wish for his wife's and children's ill?

disgust and shock from the hypocrisy?

i just did.

treasure your families.
i didn't and when it was in shambles i even let go of my only saving grace.

Have you?
i didn't.

posted by Apple Bapok

I didnt think i would feel like this again. like a deep knot inside me...

today my brother told me my dad finally filed for a divorce with my mum. and he apparently desires assets hat belongs to my mum how that even works i don't know.. and even if my mum gets the house, things are not the same..

its not so much a problem solution thing for me. for i always thought i was cured from my family problem when i was J1, its not true, i was better with pearlyn.

and today when the news hit me i kept thinking of pearlyn. how i used to throw anger at my mum on her.. and how i really realy did not treasure her.

and i let her go.

and when the news came today my first instinct was to look for her. and i look at that picture i never took down, i know. i know.

and just when i thought my life went back to the trivialities of studies and work, it turns out my life is still a mess... a big fucking mess.. and my only buoy, my only lighthouse, i let her go.

i didnt think i would feel like this again, like a deep knot inside me.

posted by Apple Bapok

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Hi, welcome to my blog, a place i don't visit often, but i know is there. a place i wish i had more time for. and everytime i come, i leave big parts of myself here. so if you want to know more about me, you've come to the right place.. cheers ^-^

{wishlist}

To get first class honours in LIT.

spend time with my mummy.

Fall in love.

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