|[APPLE]|

I finally saw Char and swee yesterday! its fantastic.. and there's nothing like it! being given A second chance.. Walking into the pizza place was like .. wa SCARY.. i've never been that scared except for taking my A levels! haha.. thanks char for calming me down.. i really must thank both of them for giving me a chance i do not deserve. I'll try to not cock up again.

ALSO, i couldn have gone without the support of my Pearlyn. thank you dear, you really matured le, from your uncomfort last time can really see you opened your mind le.. thank you dear!

Then Char brought me to see the play, Fight Club, A Chorus. which was FANTASTIC!Swee was right. its not so much about the movie, although with throwback collocation now and then. Its about the internal struggles between each and everyne of them, and how they, well fight each other.

"We grew up watching tv, as we were led to believe we will all grow up to become Rockstars, Movie stars and Billionaires."

"I don't want to die without scars!"

"You Rockstar or Rockscar?"

"You are not how much money you have in your bank"

"I am a recall Coordinator."

"IS THIS WHAT A MAN SHOULD LOOK LIKE?"

"We're all trying to be what Calvin Klein says we should look like."

"How would you know how string you were if you never have a go one on one with yourself?"

"HER NAME IS JESSEY, J-E-S-S-E-Y, JESSEY!""

Rule No. 1 Of Project Mayhem, Is You Don't Talk About Project Mayhem"

"Rule No.2 Of Project Mayhem, Is You Don't Talk About Project Mayhem"

"Rule No.3 Of Project Mayhem Is You Don't Ask Any Questions About Project Mayhem"

"What's the rules?..."

"DON'T ASK"

"But why canno..."

"DON'T TALK ABOUT IT!!"

"Singaporeans are good complainers."

"She is complaining because she does not know what she wants.. and thats why... Singaporeans.. (complaining herself, *wink)"

"So that next time.. If i don't want to kena Tombok.. I use the Grinder."

and my favourite,

"A Tiger can Smile,
A Snake can say I Love You,
Lies Make Us Evil."

Ha ha.. i really enjoyed myself.. the whole experimental theatre was a fantastic Choregraphy of intensity, concept and internal struggles..

i like...I'm really angry at my mum now. First, the clothes i buy, they're with my mum cos she makes so much noise about how she likes them. and when she gets them, she asks me. if she can give my aunt. then she throws the stack back at me, "the blue one give your ahma.. the blue one not nice". FUCK YOU. and when i tell you in a pissed off manner i don't wanna give her, is cos i'm hurt, that everyone is treating my effort, my effort to walk into an all ladies' shop, in another country, with wierd stares, and size criticizms, is being treated like some bouncing ball, thrown around, passed around. i feel like burning the fucking shirt. i don;t fucking need you to walk over and talk to me about how my ahma will like it, and how she will wear when its cold. cos the last person on earth who has the ribght to talk to me about my AHMA is YOU. FUCK YOU mummy. ah ma, is now on a urine bag, she's on a fucking walker, and you didnt even go visit her. YOU WANNA BE A FUCKING SHARK, BE ONE. DON't BE ONE, and TRY TO BE NICE. FUCK you. worse of all you're not really being nice. you're just grabbing the next woman in my life after pearlyn you and ahyee, to pass the shirt you don't like to. my blood boils when you said, "the stripe one give your aunt, the blue one give your ahma ok? the purple one smallest i take." FUCK YOU! ahma is so sick, you think she cares about the fucking shirt. and you're wrong. she lost so much weight, she's thinner than you. so even when you're TRYING TO BE NICE. ITS ALSO NOT FUCKING REAL. fuck you bitch.

honestly. its back to the argument i shared with you and daddy when both ALL your idiosyncracies poured out.

I'm shouting at you and disrespecting you because you did something wrong.
I have the balls to raise my voice at you or even scold you because you are wrong.
No, i am not wrong not because a son should not to this.
You're uncomfortable because a son doesnt normally have to do this.
You don't like it because other sons don't need to tell their parents they're wrong.
Just because you're my parent doesn't mean you're right.
Just because you're my parent doesn't mean i don't get to tell you you're wrong.
Just becuase you're my parent doesn't mean i have to shut up.
Just because you're my parent doesn't mean i have to love you.
Just because you're my parent doesn't mean i have to forgive you.
Just because you're my parent doesn't mean you don't have to say sorry.

The only thing that happens because you're my parent, is that there's nothing i can do about it.

fuck you.

"A Tiger can smile,
A Snake can say I Love You,
Lies Make us Evil."

posted by Apple Bapok

I'm Back!

Yes.. FIRSTLY. i want to thank Pearlyn. Dear thank you for being such an angel.. you really really really really helped me get back in singapore.. and this time i feel so loved. from picking me up from the airport, to helping me unpack to spending a day with me, to dragging me to watch that wonderful movie.. listening to my stories and adventures, fascinate at my pictures. DEAR. thank you so much for welcoming me in this manner.

I remember standing on a plateau, apprehensive from the doubt planted by the unrelenting wind. now i know its all uncalled for. dear i love you.

NEXT i wanna thank my Mother and Brother. for putting in effort to tell me that they couldnt pick me up which was much better than leaving me hanging. for accomodating me back.. haha.. The house is in a mess, but i guess we'll clean it up soon! haha..

DEN iwanna thank Swee and Char! i finally got a chance to feel some "lukewarm-ness", which is more than i deserve! so i wanna say thanks.. haha..

Taiwan was fun, and ow it hits me that, i'm GOING TO ORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the trip was fun and soon i'll have pictures up! just wait! Just need to figure out if picasa still works..

and i just watched a movie STARDUST.. its really good.. so i wanna encourage ppl to watch it! yeah... and so now.. i wanna leave you with a thought.

"Our world spins on the simple laws of physics and maths. Yet of it all, i cannot help but feel that we're constantly played by fate. The sky is so big and vast, and yet planes can still crash in the sky."

-Apple Ng Keng Ee

posted by Apple Bapok

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Hi, welcome to my blog, a place i don't visit often, but i know is there. a place i wish i had more time for. and everytime i come, i leave big parts of myself here. so if you want to know more about me, you've come to the right place.. cheers ^-^

{wishlist}

To get first class honours in LIT.

spend time with my mummy.

Fall in love.

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