I want my Macbook Pro

i want my iPhone

i want to stay in hostel.

i want to buy my lit texts and not just photocopy them.

i want a decent lifestyle

i know that nobody owes me any of these

the only reason i'm not having them is

not because my family is poor

not because my dad is poor(remember his new maroon mercedes?)

not because my mum just got retrenched

not because me and bro cost alot(remember how his scholarships pays for his school fees now?)

not because i pay for my gf all the time

because my dad couldn't keep it in his pants.

because he saves for two families, and

saves for his failing ailing heart.

and because i cannot i save.

and because i spend too much.





Am i blaming him? am i blaming myself? if i was thrifty and didn't spend would i still have these? can i still have them? should it have to be so hard?


For i work and i work. and my underpaying job says Passion. i have it. but its not sustainable. so i dig deeper to find more. how much more passion do i have?

if i have time,
and time is spent for passionate work.
its healthy and good.
what if passionate work is not paying me?
what if i don't even get underpaid?
should i still spend time on that passionate work?
where do i draw that line?
what if passionate work not equals to work with pay?
and work with pay is something else?
Passion?

do i still have that big heart i used to have?



i dunno.



Can you feel the complexity of this frustration?


time to save my diminishing account.



There are many things i do not know. but there is one thing i do know. something that brought me through my o levels, my a levels, my uni and my life.

i'll get the things i want.
i will do it.
even if i have to die trying.




Show me the way to my Vitamin M.